I love a new year. Full of hope. So many things that I want to accomplish, so many little tweaks that I want to make to my life. I thought that having my own blog would, maybe, help me out. I am secretly hoping that no one will ever read this and this is really my own diary. But the personal things that I want to accomplish are really the same things that many women want to accomplish so I suppose that if anyone really wants to follow along, great.
I am overweight, 48 and not feeling great. Wow, that is really snappy. I really want to change that because I have suddenly become afraid of being old and sickly. It is not the way I pictured it but has really become a reality if I do not change course immediately. I don't want to do drastic because I want to make changes that I can incorporate into my life.
Excersize. Okay this is the biggest one. I read a great book, Younger Next Year and it has me convinced that I must do this one ASAP. So I bought my 72 year old Dad a heart monitor and we are going to do this together for awhile.
Another area of my life that has gone astray is me. I mean finding time to remember me. Somehow becoming fat has made me invisible to myself. I ignore me. I feel guilty because I am married to a great guy who has always made it a priority to stay in shape. So at 48, he is much better looking than when we met. He is still active and gets to do all the fun activities with our two daughters. This is not his fault but I feel so guilty for becoming fat, as if I have let down my part of the bargain. I suppose in a way I have but he never says anything to me other than I love you and you are beautiful. But I know that he would rather this had gone differently. So I drift off subject because this is about how I feel and not how others feel. I have stopped living because I hate the way I look. Sometimes I forget that I am fat and will be having fun then pass by a mirror or window and am shocked. Then I want to run home and hide. Really something that I have to work on.
Well enough for one day. Tomorrow is a new day, a new year and a new attitude. Adios 2011.
